Update of Etta & James:
James has recovered from his respiratory infection in at least his voice has returned to normal and doesn't have the nasty cold/cough symptoms. I have noticed a decline in his eating at mealtime. In fact, on Monday night, when dinner was served, he asked me if I would like to have some as he couldn't eat it all. That is a big change from the initial hoarding of food when he first arrived. I purchased an electric razor for James. I noticed he was getting little nicks when shaved by one of the nurses. Most likely a combination of cheap razors and not the most steady patient. I showed it to him...turned it on to let him see what it looks like in action and get familiar with its sound. When I noticed that he was due for a shave, I offered to shave him with the razor and he accepted. He was still, compliant, and even grateful when I was done shaving him. Again, I found myself almost dumbfounded by his acceptance and calmness...so different from his initial combative ways when he was first in the hospital. When I look back on that time, how confused and frightened he must have been...I'm so relieved that that was a storm that has long since blown over.
Etta, oh Etta, is every bit as much as the woman I have always known. As one of her former neighbors said, "She is not the most refined woman." Now, let me say this. I don't think that statement is offensive or at all derogatory. In fact, I laughed because it was so spot on. No, Etta has never been stuffy or fake. She doesn't conform to what others believe in order to gain acceptance. She is her own woman with her own opinions and the backbone to stand behind her convictions. I will concede there were times where her quick wit could have caused those around her to take pause, but I understood her. In fact, I would say much of my candidness comes from her. She was never one to sugar coat the truth- consider that a warning and gift. Because Alzheimer's causes those with the infliction to lose a sense of social norms and rules, her unrefined ways are even more apparent. I cringe sometimes as I can literally see the wheels in her mind spinning. Like a freight train coming down the track, I just know when something is about to pass through her mouth. And just as you can't stop that moving freight train, you can't stop Etta either. So, she says whats on her mind and like a mother of a 2 year old, I just smile and hope the damage is minimal. Usually Etta isn't saying something to someone else...but in her loud whisper, she will say something intended for my ears only but anyone on the unit actually gets the word too. I am reminded of a time when Hailey was a toddler and we were in Target. A very large woman walked passed our cart. Hailey took notice of her grand proportions and said, "Mama, is that lady growing a baby in her butt?" I was paralyzed with humiliation. I wanted to hide under a garmet rack or simply vanish into thin air. There was no way out, no way of pretending Hailey didn't just drop a huge verbal insult bomb. And so, I took a deep breath, dug a sucker out of my purse to plug her mouth, and forged ahead. It's like that some days with Etta...and its just who is she.
James has recovered from his respiratory infection in at least his voice has returned to normal and doesn't have the nasty cold/cough symptoms. I have noticed a decline in his eating at mealtime. In fact, on Monday night, when dinner was served, he asked me if I would like to have some as he couldn't eat it all. That is a big change from the initial hoarding of food when he first arrived. I purchased an electric razor for James. I noticed he was getting little nicks when shaved by one of the nurses. Most likely a combination of cheap razors and not the most steady patient. I showed it to him...turned it on to let him see what it looks like in action and get familiar with its sound. When I noticed that he was due for a shave, I offered to shave him with the razor and he accepted. He was still, compliant, and even grateful when I was done shaving him. Again, I found myself almost dumbfounded by his acceptance and calmness...so different from his initial combative ways when he was first in the hospital. When I look back on that time, how confused and frightened he must have been...I'm so relieved that that was a storm that has long since blown over.
Etta, oh Etta, is every bit as much as the woman I have always known. As one of her former neighbors said, "She is not the most refined woman." Now, let me say this. I don't think that statement is offensive or at all derogatory. In fact, I laughed because it was so spot on. No, Etta has never been stuffy or fake. She doesn't conform to what others believe in order to gain acceptance. She is her own woman with her own opinions and the backbone to stand behind her convictions. I will concede there were times where her quick wit could have caused those around her to take pause, but I understood her. In fact, I would say much of my candidness comes from her. She was never one to sugar coat the truth- consider that a warning and gift. Because Alzheimer's causes those with the infliction to lose a sense of social norms and rules, her unrefined ways are even more apparent. I cringe sometimes as I can literally see the wheels in her mind spinning. Like a freight train coming down the track, I just know when something is about to pass through her mouth. And just as you can't stop that moving freight train, you can't stop Etta either. So, she says whats on her mind and like a mother of a 2 year old, I just smile and hope the damage is minimal. Usually Etta isn't saying something to someone else...but in her loud whisper, she will say something intended for my ears only but anyone on the unit actually gets the word too. I am reminded of a time when Hailey was a toddler and we were in Target. A very large woman walked passed our cart. Hailey took notice of her grand proportions and said, "Mama, is that lady growing a baby in her butt?" I was paralyzed with humiliation. I wanted to hide under a garmet rack or simply vanish into thin air. There was no way out, no way of pretending Hailey didn't just drop a huge verbal insult bomb. And so, I took a deep breath, dug a sucker out of my purse to plug her mouth, and forged ahead. It's like that some days with Etta...and its just who is she.