Throughout the 9 months of prosecuting my uncle for my grandparents abuse, neglect, and exploitation, I wanted to write to him. Obviously, while there was a pending court case, making any contact with him was prohibited. However, once sentencing occurred, I was anxious to reach out to him. I have always believed that while my uncle was responsible for his actions and while his actions were unimaginable, he was still family. So, I wrote to him...my first communication with him since his arrest. The following is the letter I sent:
Dear ----,
I have wanted to write to you for many months now but was unable to do so because I didn’t have your number. Without that information, mail would be returned to me. I finally obtained your number and thus you are reading my letter.
Nearly a year has passed since this “family crisis” erupted. You’ve been in my thoughts the entire time. I can only imagine the range of your feelings and emotions. I want you to know that I believe you can come away from this tragedy with a fresh start in life if you so desire. I understand that your addiction issues directed your paths and that apart from those issues, you would have never caused your parents any harm. I hope that you are able to use this time to make peace with yourself so that you can move on with your life.
Your mother is doing well. Since she is just 5 miles from me, I visit her daily and she is very happy. She has a beautiful room in the best nursing home around! She stays active in all the activities, especially the sing-a-long programs. She has never asked where she is or why. She thinks you visit and talks about these fictitious visits. She is confined to a wheelchair, but believes she can walk. She says that she chooses the wheelchair for convenience. Though she has Alzheimer’s disease, her sense of humor remains just as sharp as ever. She knows who I am and has never had a lapse in that recognition. She does get confused about other members of the family regularly.
Your dad passed away peacefully. He was very content and happy during the 4 months he was in my care. He often held my hand when I would visit. He let me change his clothes, comb his hair, and help him eat. His dementia was much more advanced than your mothers. He only knew what was right before him and nothing else. It was as though his mind had been erased almost.
Your parents did not recognize one another when they were first reunited at the nursing home. With some time and some reintroductions, they both came to identify one another. They looked after one another while he was still alive and continued to communicate as they always have. While he was alive, they shared a room. After he passed, I was able to have the room “rezoned” from a double room to a private room so she could have her own space. She takes great pride in having the “best suite” in the place and often talks about how people come by all day long just to see!
I never saw this coming for you or our family. I never could have imagined being your adversary either. I didn’t have a choice in how this past year played out. My priority was ensuring that your parents were taken care of and that meant holding you accountable for choices that were made. This is a sad story but it is also in the past. I hope and pray you can move forward with your life knowing your parents knew nothing of this disaster, were/are happy and content, and that your mother still loves you very much. You have nothing to worry about other than taking care of yourself and getting your life back on track. I believe you can do this! We all make mistakes; it’s what we learn from them that shapes our future. I hope one day to learn about the great things you are doing in your life and trust that will be the case.
Take care,
Jeannie
I have wanted to write to you for many months now but was unable to do so because I didn’t have your number. Without that information, mail would be returned to me. I finally obtained your number and thus you are reading my letter.
Nearly a year has passed since this “family crisis” erupted. You’ve been in my thoughts the entire time. I can only imagine the range of your feelings and emotions. I want you to know that I believe you can come away from this tragedy with a fresh start in life if you so desire. I understand that your addiction issues directed your paths and that apart from those issues, you would have never caused your parents any harm. I hope that you are able to use this time to make peace with yourself so that you can move on with your life.
Your mother is doing well. Since she is just 5 miles from me, I visit her daily and she is very happy. She has a beautiful room in the best nursing home around! She stays active in all the activities, especially the sing-a-long programs. She has never asked where she is or why. She thinks you visit and talks about these fictitious visits. She is confined to a wheelchair, but believes she can walk. She says that she chooses the wheelchair for convenience. Though she has Alzheimer’s disease, her sense of humor remains just as sharp as ever. She knows who I am and has never had a lapse in that recognition. She does get confused about other members of the family regularly.
Your dad passed away peacefully. He was very content and happy during the 4 months he was in my care. He often held my hand when I would visit. He let me change his clothes, comb his hair, and help him eat. His dementia was much more advanced than your mothers. He only knew what was right before him and nothing else. It was as though his mind had been erased almost.
Your parents did not recognize one another when they were first reunited at the nursing home. With some time and some reintroductions, they both came to identify one another. They looked after one another while he was still alive and continued to communicate as they always have. While he was alive, they shared a room. After he passed, I was able to have the room “rezoned” from a double room to a private room so she could have her own space. She takes great pride in having the “best suite” in the place and often talks about how people come by all day long just to see!
I never saw this coming for you or our family. I never could have imagined being your adversary either. I didn’t have a choice in how this past year played out. My priority was ensuring that your parents were taken care of and that meant holding you accountable for choices that were made. This is a sad story but it is also in the past. I hope and pray you can move forward with your life knowing your parents knew nothing of this disaster, were/are happy and content, and that your mother still loves you very much. You have nothing to worry about other than taking care of yourself and getting your life back on track. I believe you can do this! We all make mistakes; it’s what we learn from them that shapes our future. I hope one day to learn about the great things you are doing in your life and trust that will be the case.
Take care,
Jeannie